Satire British housing boom to be fueled by 'Prince Andrew shitting bricks', as Ghislaine Maxwell to cooperate with FBI As for how to kill his former friend, Prince Andrew said "firstly I thought about going for the classic - off with her head. Then someone said why don't I just lock her up in the Tower of London? But I told him how that's the code name for my secret sex-dungeon, and that she'd probably like that."
Satire Donald Trump no longer the craziest Motherfucker in politics Donald Trump is no longer the craziest motherfucker in politics, as Kanye West announces he's running for president.
Satire World saddened to hear of Ghislaine Maxwell's suicide, next Wednesday After the news broke that Ghislaine Maxwell, the long-term girlfriend and alleged accomplice of notorious, child-molesting billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, has just been arrested by the FBI, the rich & powerful the world over have feigned shock and sympathy at her sudden suicide, next Wednesday.
Satire WHO warns second-lockdown boredom could reach 'Big Bang Theory Season 5' levels "Boredom in the previous global lockdown was bad enough, causing paranoia, fear, and extreme depression in many - but our study predicts boredom in the new lockdown could be up 17 billion percent from that, all the way up to Big Bang Theory Season 5 levels."
Satire VICTORY: Protestors achieve MAJOR defunding of police, by changing department names to 'teachers' and 'covid-19 supplies' on government invoices Despite the dip in coverage of the Black Lives Matter protests, American leftists have achieved their goals of majorly defunding police departments around the country, by changing the recipient-name on the government invoices to 'teachers' and 'covid-19 supplies'.
Satire "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what your country can do for me!" Rep. Joe Kennedy III tells Massachusetts Rep. Joe Kennedy III, grandson of Robert F. Kennedy, and nephew of Mayor Joe 'Diamond' Quimby, stepped up his quest to defeat one of the only people-serving progressive politicians instead give his career a shot in the arm, with his immortal words of nepotism and malaise.
Satire Durex debuts new 'Thin Blue Line' and 'Rubber Bullets' range, for fucking cops' wives The products boast a new tech, incorporating doughnut particulates into the lining which are fed on by the sperm, making them fat and immobile. The lineup includes the "Thin Blue Line" and "Rubber Bullets", as well as the "Requesting Backup" and "Multiple Shots Fired" options, for group events.
Satire Warren asks Trump to start calling her 'Pocahontas' again, in bid to be Biden's Woman Of Colour pick Elizabeth Warren is redoubling her bid for the job of convincing people that Joe Biden didn't rape a woman, by asking President Trump to start calling her Pocahontas again, as the search for a Democratic VP pick narrows down to Women Of Colour.
Satire North Korea to switch from Nuclear Weapons to Music Industry, from now on North Korea has announced that it will immediately pull funding from its nuclear weapons program and instead start investing millions of dollars in its music industry, after surprising news reached the nation that Pres. Trump's Tulsa rally humiliation was engineered by thousands of teen K-Pop fans.
Satire Cop visits conservative glory hole to get his boot sucked A US police officer walks us through a typical night at his local right-wing pleasure portal, after a hard day of cracking skulls & dunkin' donuts.
Satire Joe Biden picks Token Black from South Park for VP Despite his promise to nominate a woman, as well as an actual real life human being, Joe Biden has announced his pick for VP on his 2020 ticket as the fictional character from South Park, Token Black.
Satire Facebook bans Nazi campaign ads, for using extremist Trump cult symbols "Usually we only intervene in really serious cases, such as a status including the word 'men', or photos containing a woman's nipple. But we thought this time, we really outta step it up.
Satire SCOTUS: "Fuck you, you racist C*nt", says court as DACA program is upheld Senior White House adviser and head of the right-wing group, the Klu Klux Karens, Kellyanne Conway issued this statement: "I can confirm that the President ran to his bunker to cry like a little bitch, after not getting everything he wanted in his attempt to needlessly crush innocent lives."
Satire Yoda Statue to be Removed after use of controversial enslaved army revealed As the protests for racial and social equality grow across the world, Jedi Master Yoda is the latest previously lauded figure to soon have his statue taken down, after historians (specialising in the 1999-2005 era) found records detailing his use of a massive army of cloned, conscripted soldiers.
Satire Featured SCOTUS rules LGBTQ+ community must be exactly as underpaid and miserable in the workplace as everyone else In a landmark, anti-work place discrimination ruling, SCOTUS has today ruled that those identifying as LGBTQ+ must be treated exactly as any other, unfortunate American worker.
Satire Sauron the Deceiver to win Biggest Middle-Earth Majority since Morgoth Sauron seems to have somehow won the largest majority in the Middle Earth parliament for an age, gaining a huge show of support from the dwarves and elves he intends to devour.
Featured Cenk Uygur is Running for Congress Cenk Uygur, founder of The Young Turks news network, and progressive firebrand has just confirmed rumours that he is running for Congress in 2020. And I'm proud to endorse him. Check out our article for a first look at him and his candidacy.
Bernie Sanders Rainè Riggs - Levi Sanders' Wife, Bernie Sanders' Daughter in Law - Dies Rainè Riggs, wife of Levi Sanders and Daughter-in-Law of Sen. Bernie Sanders, has died.
Bernie Sanders Bernie Sanders sent to hospital, undergoes unexpected Surgery on Artery Bernie Sanders underwent surgery yesterday to implant two arterial stents, after complaining of chest pains during a Nevada campaign event. The Senator is said to be conversing and is in good spirits. This is a breaking story, and there is expected to be more over the coming days.
David Koch David Koch: Conservative Super-Donor Dead at 79 David Koch, one of the worst figures in US politics, is dead. Who was he, what are the media likely to say about him, and how should he be remembered? Find out, at Polerium.
Future 50 Years to the Day since Humanity First Walked On The Moon! 50 years to the day since humanity first stepped foot on the Moon. What hearlds in humanity's future? Will we live up to the inspiration of Apollo, or let the opportunity slip.
World 50th Anniverasry of Humans Landing On The Moon! What can be said about the anniversary of one of the greatest human achievements of all time? And what does it herald for our future?
Brexit Industry Leaders Warn of Post Brexit Migrant Labour Shortage - Propose Slashing Wages to Combat It Industry and education leaders are warning the government of the alarming drop in much needed migrant labour that will appear post-Brexit.
Italy Far Right Fanatics caught with Air-to-Air MISSILE in Italy In a raid by police in northern Italy against neo-Nazis, a huge cache of dangerous weapons, including a Scorpion machine gun, and an air-to-air MISSILE were found.
Alan Turing Alan Turing to be the Face of the New £50 Note Alan Turing: legendary mathematician persecuted by the government for being gay AFTER having played a major role in winning the war for the Allies, will be the new face of the British £50 note.