North Korea has announced that it will immediately pull funding from its nuclear weapons program and instead start investing millions of dollars in its music industry, after surprising news reached the nation that Donald Trump's Tulsa rally humiliation was engineered by hundreds of thousands of US teen K-Pop fans.

K-Pop is a genre of music originating in South Korea, not the North, and the mass-reservation of tickets for this past weekend's failed MAGA rally by people never intending to show up, was done by hundreds of thousands of American teens, with no relation to the DPRK.

Still, the authoritarian state (North Korea, not America), after being as stunned and impressed as anyone by the power of the genre's music, has decided to push all its state power into its music industry, as its clearly most potentially-superior option of front-line power. In order to boost the confidence of his people on the matter, the leader of the brutal, oppressive nation (America, not North Korea), told citizens that 'each and every one of these kids will be dealt with' and that he will call in a 'trusted expert' he's worked with before in related matters. However, aides later reminded Pres. Trump that Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

Experts on North Korea suggest that the country plans to release a string of cover singles designed to win-over American sympathies, and target/humiliate Trump & his family, such as: the M.A.S.H. theme, You're So Vain, Gold Digger, and of course Green Day's American Stupid Fucking Idiot, as well as a re-release of the 2004 smash hit I'm So Ronery.

In a further manoeuvre, Trump vowed what he called a campaign of 'ruthless revenge', by tasking VP Mike Pence as head of a new Country Music task force, that will deploy to North Korea in order to bore them to death.

Top NK officials were worried that allowing a new blossoming of art and creativity in their country might dissolve their ability to engineer mass propaganda and idol worship. However, after taking one look at Hollywood and the US music scene, they decided this wouldn't be a problem.

Rumours have suggested that Kim Jong-un has dispatched secret envoys carrying his private love-letters from Trump to Taylor Swift, to secure her help in writing the next smash breakup hit.

The DPRK had hoped that this new embracing of South Korean music culture would lead to a furthered unity between the two nations, releasing a statement saying: "We hope you will join us in delivering a series of further, humiliating "fuck-yous" to Donald Trump!" However, leaders of the country were surprised when, just several seconds after having released the message, they turned around to see they'd been joined by every nation on Earth.


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