SCOTUS rules LGBTQ+ community must be exactly as underpaid and miserable in the workplace as everyone else

In a landmark, anti-work place discrimination ruling, SCOTUS has today ruled that those identifying as LGBTQ+ must be treated exactly as any other, unfortunate American worker.

SCOTUS rules LGBTQ+ community must be exactly as underpaid and miserable in the workplace as everyone else

In a landmark ruling, the US Supreme Court has decided that people who identify as LGBTQ+ cannot be discriminated against in the workplace.

As well as the obvious positives, it now means by law that members of the wider queer community must experience exactly the same undervalued-servitude and daily misery in the name of capitalism as everyone else.

Across the nation and the world, the news is especially exciting for many, and troublesome for bigots. In recent years, exposure of just how insanely backwards and discriminatory much of America is has been enough to make Alice's Wonderland, or some deleted Hunger Games scenes look tame, by comparison. Many have welcomed a spot of good news.

When asked about the event, Steve, a gay employee of a local restaurant, said: "Being attracted to men is pretty tough as it is. I'm just glad I won't have to worry about my boss firing me because of it, anymore. Just for being really shit at my job, from now on."

Lucy, a bi-transgender woman who worked for the law firm that helped bring the case to court, reached out to us with a statement:

"We're so proud to stand on the shoulders of the forebears of our community, our movement, and our nation, for today's fantastic achievement. They endured so much, so we could earn so little - but just as much as everyone else. This is a resounding victory in the fight against discrimination, and we look forward to all that there's left to do."

But it's not just members of the LGBTQ+ community who are embracing the new ruling. John, a straight man, and senior manager at a local accountancy firm, said: "Usually I only sexually harass and undermine the women. But the law is the law - and I'm nothing if not fair - so, I guess I'll have to start doing it to the gay men, the trans-gendered, and those of no gender identity, too. Equality is important."

When asked, in light of their terrible dive in favourability, if they would be heeding the new ruling, a police spokesperson said:

"We have long believed in treating members of the wider gay community absolutely like we'd treat any other American citizen. That's why we've been beating them senseless, for no reason other than existing, or protesting for their rights, for decades. If anything, we've put a lot of extra special attention into them queer folks over the years, so they know even more than others what it's like to try and have your own identity in America. In fact, I think our efforts on LGBTQ+ equality are matched only by our wider work on civil rights."

Upon being asked about gay-rights, and homophobes within his own party, President Trump said:

"Listen, normally, and as a matter of policy,  the idea of a man being with another man disgusts me. But Mike has been a good friend to me, and whatever's right for him, I support it. As for homophobes - just because a word is spelled one way and then the other, but sounds the same, doesn't make it wrong! I think it's political correctness gone mad. There are good spellings on both sides. This is America."

Follow Polerium on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, for more satire, as well as real news, politics, and analysis.