coronavirus Biden to cancel "your hopes & dreams", instead of your crushing student loan debt Following through on his promises to restore the America we all know, President Biden has announced a crushing blow to the lives of millions and millions of its people, by announcing he will not cancel the nation's student loan debt, which he could do with the stroke of a pen.
coronavirus Biden to mark 500,000 US Covid Deaths by Not Giving People Healthcare As the United States passes the tragic milestone of half a million dead from Covid, Pres. Biden pledges to make America America again, by putting capitalism back on top as the OG deadly plague.
Valentines Day Lonely, socially-isolated Valentine's Day a "refreshing taste of normality", say burned out Millennials With these unprecedented and challenging times, a lonely, touch-starved, socially-distanced Valentine's Day, with bouts of feeling terrible & just wanting to throw up, is a refreshing blast of normality, from the dating scenes of the past.
Ben Shapiro Ben Shapiro to call for $100 billion covid-stimulus package for WikiFeet The undisputed king (Joffrey) of the Intellectual Dark Web is advocating for a covid-relief package of the almost actual Dark Web, hoping it'll result in the relief of packages all over his listenership.
coronavirus Blue-Q to announce how anger at Biden $2000 lies is sexist, Russian Bot, racist, GOP-enabling Malarkey President Biden brings US politics 'back to normal', carrying on that most hallowed of presidential traditions of lying like fuckin crazy to the American people. And the centrist die hards are eager to jump to his defense. Yippee Ki Yay.
Satire Trump's medical team assembles "world-class group of plumbers", to begin round-the-clock bleach injections With the health of the president continuing to sink even faster than his poll numbers, Trump's medical team is pulling out all the stops, and has assembled a world class group of plumbers to begin administering round the clock bleach injections, in hopes of fending off the coronavirus.
Satire Mike Pence's erection "visible from space", as Trump is admitted to hospital The on going saga of top GOP officials experiencing critical lapses in health continues, as, following the news that President Trump has been admitted to hospital with a rapidly worsening condition, Vice President Mike Pence's erection is now clearly visible from outer space.
Satire "In Karma We Trust" now new US motto, as Trump tests positive for Coronavirus In one of the craziest flexes of 2020, the Covid-Denier-In-Chief himself, President Trump has announced that he has finally made coronavirus great again, by testing positive for the deadly disease, himself.
2020 Herman Cain dies of Covid-19 Former Republican Presidential candidate, and former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, Herman Cain, has died from coronavirus.
Satire Experts warn second-wave of viral plagues could see your Ex come crawling back With the early ending of lockdowns around the world, health officials are warning that a resurgence of deadly viral plagues could see your ex trying to come crawling back.
Satire Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro tests positive for being a Cunt He displayed all the classic symptoms - high fever, coughing, slashing key services, crushing civil rights, practically declaring a war on Indigenous people, and coming to power in a political coup.
Satire WHO warns second-lockdown boredom could reach 'Big Bang Theory Season 5' levels "Boredom in the previous global lockdown was bad enough, causing paranoia, fear, and extreme depression in many - but our study predicts boredom in the new lockdown could be up 17 billion percent from that, all the way up to Big Bang Theory Season 5 levels."
