America endures 'once in a lifetime tragedy' for fourth time this month

America's obsession explosive penis-extenders has yet again left politicians exclaiming "who could have seen this coming", "this isn't who we are", and "there was nothing that could have been done" in the face of tragedy, for the nth time in a row.

America endures 'once in a lifetime tragedy' for fourth time this month

America has experienced a 'once in a lifetime' tragedy, for the fourth time this month. The horrifying slaying that took place at the Robb Elementary School on May 24th makes for four mass shootings so far this month. One more and the nation gets a free gold watch, as well as lifetime ringside seats to watch Charleton Heston mudwrestle Wayne La Pier in Hell, for hundies thrown at them by gun manufacturers.

Reeling from the once-again-horror, America turns to its do-nothing politicians, hurrying to offer platitudes whilst being infinitely slow in ever willing to actually address this charged political issue, and jeopordise their careers. "It was a tragic event," said one GOP senator, "tragic in that it's a real shame the shooter wasn't trans, a Muslim, illegal immigrant, or a black guy, then I could have really scored some political points on this. Instead, I had to delay my up-coming 10 day senate holiday session - which we literally decided to still go on, instead of doing anything at all to address the fact that 20 kids were just murdered - for 30 mins to do this speech, so as to fool the people into thinking we're doing something. You don't know how tough it is in Washington, sometimes."

"And of course we are doing stuff," the senator went on, "we in the Republican Party have taken drastic measures to keep our children safe in schools - we've banned evolution, talking about LGBTQ+ people, trans kids, teaching about racism & history. There is no length we won't go to keep our agenda, I mean our kids, safe from harm."

Asked on whether the list of bans will be extended by the GOP to include military-grade weapons in the hands of lunatics aimed at kids' faces, via means of exremely reasonable gun-safety laws, the senator responded "let's not go nuts."

"If anything," he added, "we need more guns: tomorrow, I'll be proposing a new bill to instigate the design & manufacture of a new weapon - the Duplicitator 5000, capable of firing out thoughts & prayers at a rate of 300 rounds per minute. And it can neutralise a target of legitimate political discourse, and lawmaker-courage, from a range of up to seven Boomer Facebook comments and three Fox News segments away."

The rest of the GOP response has been the usual dodge of blaming the situation on "evil" and "mental health", rather than a nation's obsession with and near boundaryless access to guns. Though, to be fair, if anyone knows anything about evil, it's a Republican politician - and if anyone knows anything about seriously compromised mental health, it's a Republican politician in touch with those who keep voting them into power.

But of course, it's not just the Republicans failing to provide solutions on this issue. The Democrats have used this emergency moment to rush through a bill to completely revamp the congressional bathrooms, in order to try and aide their efforts in washing off the blood forever stained on their hands from chasing & choosing 'bipartisanism' over 'children being able to live'.

The culture war is in full swing in the United States of America. It's the ultimate arbiter in American politics, and it's not going away, anytime soon. It's a tool of the rich to neuter politicians, to turn working people against each other, and to warp its citizens into soldiers, making sure the power of the many serves ever-more only the power of the few. Further still, the ranks of soldiers sent over the top and into the pit in America include and will continue to contain, far more than one ever could humanly imagine, their children.