The app used by amateur traders in the GameStop phenomenon, Robinhood, is set to rebrand as Robin Bastards, following an innovative & intriguing change in philosophy by the owners, from providing a handy tool for the everyday-trader, to being absolute cunts.

The app became the primary tool recently used (by initially a group of Redditors on r/WallStreetBets, then the rest of the casual memers/users of the internet) to sky-rocket the stocks of GameStop and other companies. Resulting in big losses for hedge funds, and big wins for the amateur traders.

Now, supposedly, we live in a "free market" economy. So, the above should all be fine and dandy. But the glaringly obvious reality, of course, is that our economy is "free market" in the same way your childhood shampoo stated it was "free from tears", whilst actually burning your eyes like napalm at bathtime.

And so, as soon as Big Money caught wind of the lil man making a dime off of exactly the same game they've been playing for years, they cried to daddy. Those financial companies got the makers of the Robinhood app to freeze trading on stocks they suspected the internet was interested in. They started to lose the game, fair and square, so they just kicked you out of it.

Pretty fitting behaviour to be honest though from a company named after an old English tale, since the behaviour & ethics of the finance sector are also squarely Medieval.

Once the above happened, the app became inundated with over 100,000 1-star, duly negative reviews. Reviews which Google simply purged from its app store. Ya know, the same way an 11th century Pope would simply forgive a tyrannical, pillaging nobleman of the most gruesome & horrible sins, just cause he was on the "right team".

Upon forcing the makers of Robinhood to bend their knee to the feudal lord, the finance barons returned to scheming-to cash in on their usual business - convincing Western rulers to embark on yet another hate-filled, resource-grabbing crusade against innocent Saracens.