Mexico is to finally pay for the mammoth, monstrously-expensive, high-security wall at its border with the United States, for the sole purpose of keeping Ted Cruz from visiting them, ever again.
"The Republicans," said an official spokesperson for the Mexican government, "they're not sending their best people - they're rapists, they're murderers. And some of them, I assume, are good people."
"Just kidding about that last part."
"Right now, Texas is in a state of absolute disaster," the official emphasised "and the disaster isn't just Ted Cruz being their senator. Though, that too. But Texas, right now, is lacking heat, lacking a firm leader, and is clearly lacking Republicans - the exact conditions that will be abundant when Ted Cruz next reunites with Rush Limbaugh. As well as brimstone and pitchforks. "
"However, I must say, I am impressed with the Texan people's ingenuity & tactics to get their lazy, piece-of-shit, reptilian public servant to go to work for them. They've been inundating his social media with an incalculable hailstorm of delicious voter-criticism wrath. And if Cruz' slovenly, embarrassing, beta cuck-fest of a suck-up-to-Trump routine in 2016, and since - after Trump humiliated & embarrassed Cruz and his family in front of the nation - was anything to go by, then the voter fire-fest plan should work like a treat. No wonder Cruz is already putting on a dog-and-pony gimmick show & photo op, of handing out aide back, home."
"And, if Jan. 6th is anything to go by, Cruz has a horrible knack for inspiring voters to rise the hell up against their elected officials. Let's hope the people of Texas peacefully & politically rise up against his corrupt ass in the 2024 ballots, and throw his ass out & abandoned into the Texas cold."