As the search for missing Army Spc. Vanessa Guillen has sadly led, after many days of stagnant delay, to the discovery of human remains in a shallow grave, female American soldiers are from now on to dress as foreign oil fields, so the military actually gives a shit about protecting them.

The shocking discovery comes weeks after the soldier went missing - later to have found to be murdered, at her own actual base where she was stationed - in a story that has been given little to no national coverage or concern.


Note - the reaction here to this story is satire, and the statements and people relaying them are fictional, however the story itself and its details are sadly very real. As are the sentiments of horror and fear at the shocking failures of the US military to protect Vanessa, and investigate her death. As well as with many others. Please do read more about Spc. Guillen's story, and support the cause for change.


Many have rightly criticised the military for its failure to protect yet another female soldier from harassment and harm. "The military has shown time and time again that the hush-hush attitude of protecting its reputation at all costs, whilst doing nothing to combat the clearly sexist and discriminatory currents within, still lies right at the top of its agenda," said an anonymous spokesperson for a growing group of women soldier & allies, demanding justice.

"So, we've had to disguise ourselves as the only thing the military actually gives a fucking shit about protecting - foreign oil fields."

"We knew we'd be signing up to potentially be injured or even die for our country. We just didn't realise that that death would come from our fellow American soldiers, and the system protecting them. That innocent women unwanting of sexual advances or attention are as good as enemy combatants."

"If the Army took just a fraction of interest and care in watching out for, and following up on, harassment claims as it does in bombing innocent brown children, then Vanessa wouldn't have had to confront her harasser herself, and wouldn't have received a hammer blow to her skull."

In defence of its actions however, the Army sort to boost confidence it was and has been doing all it could. "We're taking this very seriously. As soon as we heard there was a story that could make the military look bad, we jumped into action."

"We have been asked as to why we didn't intervene into the pattern of harassment Spec. Guillen will have faced to the extent as to move to file an official report. However, our records on sexual assault & harassment accidentally fell off the truck at the firing range on the way over here, and are no longer available for inspection."

"Our soldiers are trained, lethal professionals. It's not our fault that, in a system where every detail of your life and actions are controlled and permitted by a higher authority, that soldiers across the country/world were and are able to run an unsupervised, unchallenged reign of terror on their friends in uniform."

But the Army has pledged its sincere efforts for the remainder of the case: "We swear that we will put all efforts into resolving this. We will not rest until we have found our solution that protects our ass, does a nice show for the media, and fundamentally changes nothing at all."


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