In an explosive win for POC, women, and minorities everywhere, one of the most, if not the most diverse administration in US history just conducted its first military strike in the Middle East, by bombing Syria. "Today is a great day," a spokesperson said for President Biden, "a great day indeed, if you're a woman, a Person Of Colour, or a young person hoping for a brighter future - unless of course you're any combination of those in Syria. In that case, today marks the next chapter in a possibly fatal nightmare for you."
"President Biden has long since been open about his desire to return to the ideals and policies of his former boss, President Obama. Ideas such a boundless drone strikes in the Middle East, which led to 90% civilian casualties, and scores of dead, innocent children. Those are the ideas that made America great, and President Biden wants to get back to them. You might say he wants to make America great - again."
"Let's be clear here, people - Context.Matters.:
blowing up kids = bad if you're orange, good if you're blue "
The spokesperson assured, however, that unlike with previous administrations, and thanks specifically to the input of the Vice President, and others in the president's team, the recipients of Biden strikes will always be true threats to America: "Some of these people were known weed smokers. A few had, in fact, smoked marijuana several times. Some of the worst offenders had been known to even let their children be late to school on occasion. Drastic action was needed."
"But let us be clear," the spokesperson continued, "what the real enemy of the United States is, here - healthcare. Jobs. A better living wage. And all our other campaign promises. All these things can be distracted from by escalating conflicts elsewhere. Plus, we can say that we've no money for those 'vanity' projects, cause we spent all our money on blowing up people in other countries. Two birds with one giant payload of extremely expensive, drone-operated missiles."
"When we said $2000 per person, we meant that's how big the military budget was gonna be."
"Like the Sec. of State said the other day, ladies & gentlemen - America's back. I love the smell of woke imperialism in the morning."